Monday, April 26, 2010

Teetotaling, or Back on the Wagon.

I ain’t never shoutin’ “uncle” to you or nobody, ‘cuz I ain’t never down!
Come on, Molly, you’re tuckered.
Why don’t you quit?
Sure, I’m tuckered and I might give out,
but I won’t give in! How can anybody say that I’m down? Look. I’m thinking. I’m thinking very hard how to break through. Maybe here, maybe there, maybe no place. But, there’ll come a time when nuthin’, nor nobody wants me down like I wants me up! Up where the people are, up where the talkin’ is, up where the jokes goin’ on.
Now, looky here, I am important to me!
Ain’t no bottom to no pile! I mean much more to me than I mean to anybody I ever knew! Certainly more than I mean to any sideways, yassy-hampers like you guys! Go ahead, break my arm… me say “uncle”…hooo! Doesn’t make a bit o’ difference for you to keep sayin’ I’m down ‘til I say so, too!
D’ya ever try steppin’ on a piss ant?
Well, there’s one now. Jump ‘im, stump ‘im! Thinkin’ you got ‘im? Thinkin’ he’s quit? He don’t think so. There he goes! And you can be positive sure I’m as good as any piss ant that ever lived!
Oh, I hate that word “down”!
But, I love that word “up”! ‘Cuz “up” means “hope” an’ that’s jus’ what I got! Hope!

-The Unsinkable Molly Brown

So for my sugar thing I did awesome. Then, since I was invincible, and had kicked my sugar habit, I'd allow myself 2 days of eating whatever sugary things I wanted. Those 2 days turned into 13. I ate a lot of sugar. A lot. I can't pretend I didn't enjoy it. I did. I figured, hey I can do this in moderation! I can't. I felt like junk. I wasn't in control anymore. The sugar was stronger than I.

Today was day 1 again with no sugar. I didn't think one could do so much sugar damage in 2 weeks, or that I'd have to go through such severe sugar detox again. It sucks. isn't fun. I have a headache from he... that is really bad. I've been sharp with my kids. (Even Helam! *sniff.* On a side note, HOW do you keep an 18 month old from constantly sticking his flipping hands down his pants?!?) My brain is fuzzy. I'm really grumpy. I want more sugar.

I am stronger though. I'll keep it up, realizing that I can't allow myself to do this again. It's kind of empowering going into hand to hand combat with such a powerful foe. Unfortunately, today it's dealt some powerful blows. I didn't give in though, so does that mean I'm winning? For today at least?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

On again, Off again.

May I present "Nirvana." For Menstruating Woman.

I had this bad boy tonight after my homemade Cafe Rio Pork Barbacoa salad. (It has been accurately described as Food Mecca.) The dressing is good too. Helam climbed on the table and was eating it with a spoon. What you can't see with this cupcake is that it is really a brownie. With cherries. And cream cheese. And milk and white chocolate chips. It was really good.

As for the giving up sugar thing, I agree with Scarlet when she said, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."