Friday, July 25, 2008

"RIP" and "Would you like fries with that?"

Today I was googling "cemetery plot selection." Not something I think about regularly, but I was curious as to the sales pitch for cemetery plots. It turned up basically what you'd expect.

"Deciding where your body will spend the rest of time is not a decision to be taken for granted."

"One of the benefits of having a large family plot is that relatives can visit many graves at once without having to travel to multiple locations. Some people also enjoy the idea that, even though they might have lived far apart during life, they will spend all of eternity next to one another."

"A cemetery plot with a view of a wooded area or pond will be far more expensive than one in the middle of a cemetery. You might also find that cemeteries that are connected with churches are more expensive."

Kind of weird. I admit it. But lately I've become quite obsessed with cemetery placement.

On the corner of Mt. Zion Blvd and Mt. Zion Rd. in Morrow, Georgia (Here in Georgia, we don't waste street names. They've also got Mt. Zion Pkwy branching off these two roads.) there is a cemetery that is clearly the results of a planning and zoning meeting gone very wrong.

Right in the southeast corner of this busy intersection, less than a half mile from the freeway entrance you'll find a cemetery. Right next to the cemetery, is a McDonalds. So, you've got all these lovely cemetery plots, and then a small (maybe navel high) stone wall, and on the other side is a McDonalds. The "drive-thru" runs between the cemetery wall and the restaraunt. Then on the restaraunt, they have windows from ground to the roof of the part holding the play structure for the kids, and painted on those windows is a quite ghastly painting of Ronald McDonald, larger than life watching over your nearest and dearest.

From the first time I saw this, I thought it was appalling, yet hysterical. You have to know that that is not what was envisioned when these people selected their final resting place. I doubt I've ever imagined the phrase "rolling over in their graves" more appropriately.

Everything about this was (to me) wrong (but funny) on just SO many levels, and it just leads to SO many questions, and I just imagine so many scenarios going on here.

Who gave the okay to zone/build a McDonalds there?
Why isn't the fence higher?
Why is the painting of Ronald McDonald so garish?
Why not plant some more trees?
What do the family members who have relations buried there think?
Do they go to McDonalds after visiting?
I wonder if the people buried there ever went to a McDonalds?
Do any kids go visit the cemetery and not ask for a happy meal?
What about the people going to McDonalds? I know a lot of people are creeped out by cemeteries.

Is it not weird to them to be going through a drive-thru seeing the tops of angel wings and elaborate crucifixes over the top of the wall? Does it remind them of their mortality, and what will happen sooner than later if they get too many BigMacs? I think it would be bad for business. I know if they build a McDonalds next to where I'm buried I'm going to do everything in my power to go back and haunt it. (Think the pearl lady on Fiddler on the Roof.) Bwa-ha-ha!

Well, me, being me, I told Jerrod, "I'm SO blogging about this." So I finally went to get the picture. After getting all my errands done, at about a quarter to five, so rush hour, and I pull over on the side of the road to get some pictures of this. After snapping a couple, I hoped I had some good enough to share. As I got back into the car, remembering that I'd promised the kids we'd go swimming as soon as we were done, I realized I'd be in no mood to cook, so (being the reverent person I am, showing respect for all those who'd gone before, and had been laid to rest on the corner of Mt.Zion Rd/Blvd yadda yadda yadda) of course we went to McDonalds afterward.

Actually, fries sound really good right now! (commercial jingle..) ba da ba ba baa... I'm lovin' it.


sherian & co. said...

Oh my heavens...that is hilarious! It really is creepy and yet really funny! There is something very special about the South. The beauty of it is that most people there don't know how special it really is! Oh, thanks for the laugh!

Andrea said...

I am so glad that you posted on my blog. I have been wanting to post on your blog for about a week now, after I found you from Sherian's blog, but since I posted on hers I thought it might seem weird to comment.
This post is hilarious! I'm so glad you included the pictures because the big head of Ronald McDonald looks as though he is the care taker of that cemetary.
And I do believe it is a trend in the South with the street names and perhaps even cemetaries. They are just put in the strangest of places. Anyway thanks for the laugh!
I'm going to go post on you 4th of July missionary post now!

Jadie said...

Wow, too funny! I LOVE that story! (This is Jennifer Schafer, BTW, in case you are wondering who Jadie is...)

SunnyScarlet said...

That is hilarious, Tenise. I laughed so hard when I read it.