The Cold Hard Bitter Truth...

So today Sariah (my 8 year old) found out about Santa Claus. We've been asking ourselves when the right time was to tell her, but not really finding any answers. Ever since she was old enough to understand "Santa" we've told her that mom and dad are Santa, she just never believed us. We would still do the whole Santa thing, and pretend we didn't know where stuff came from, but I just couldn't get around telling her that he was real, when he wasn't. So she was getting a lot of mixed signals.

When I was a kid, I believed Santa was real until probably at least 6th grade or Jr. High. I got into big embarrassing arguments with people defending his reality. (He gave me make-up, and my dad would never allow it. Explain that!!) I would get into the same arguments defending the reality of God and Christ. In my mind, I knew that "Santa" with the red hat and clothes wasn't necessarily real, but I'd concocted an elaborate theory where Jesus was really the one who left presents in our stockings. So when I'd somehow found out the truth, it made me really question the reality of God as well. I've never gotten over the sting of this betrayal, and have a hard time with faith and trust still. To this day I still cry at least once every Christmas season when I "remember" (for lack of a better word) that Santa isn't real. Ever since I had Sariah, I was trying to figure out what to do to save her the same agony. Obviously, I never found that answer.

So Sariah found out today. I'd been kind of hinting to her all month, figuring that when she was ready to find out, she would, and until she was ready, she'd keep explaining it away in her mind. Today we were talking about exchanging something, and Jerrod was asking me about the receipt, and she was like, "But that's from Santa." I said actually it's not. I put that out with the other "Santa" stuff. But that's from me. Then she kept asking questions, and I kept letting her come to her own conclusions. I think this was the worst parenting moment to date. I want to cry. I feel so terrible for her. She is just devastated. She kept looking for some shred of evidence that it was really Santa who left her her gifts.

Sariah: But Dad's not COOL enough to be Santa.
Me: Is mom?
Sariah: Yeah. So did you pick out the presents?
Me: Do you think I did?
Sariah: Well, you didn't get us presents this year, because you said they were all going to be from Santa, but you wouldn't let me look in the back of the car after shopping, was that because they were Santa presents?
Me: Is that what you think?

Then she got all teary, and everything she said just broke my heart because I could see that hers was broken.

Defiantly she says, while choking back tears, "I'm not sitting on Santa's lap next year."

"So is all the cool stuff I believed in not true?" "No Easter Bunny, No Tooth Fairy.." "The only cool powerful thing left is Jesus."

I tried pointing out that now she can be one of the "Secret Keepers" and that next Christmas she can stay up later and help put stuff in everyone's stockings, then explaining that the "Spirit of Santa" is real, and doing nice things for people, etc... "I don't really want to be a secret keeper," then more tears that the whole time she was trying not to let escape. (and I'll be the first to admit, the "Spirit of Santa" seems like quite a let down from the myth.)

It's so sad and I can't stop crying for her. I'm so glad she had this one last magical Christmas before finding out. My heart is just bleeding for her right now, and I don't know what I can do to take away the hurt. I guess we just keep hugging each other and crying together.

I still don't know what to do with Santa for my younger children. Do I take away their time of life where they can believe? Take away the magic that is Santa Claus? Or do I let them experience the pain and betrayal that finding out the truth brings? I want to always be honest with my kids, I've never told them that Santa "is" real, but is not telling them the whole truth the same as telling them a lie?

Anyway, I'm interested in your input.

(And I will soon post a bunch of posts with Christmas pictures, and joy, and humor. Maybe.)

Merry Christmas!!

I'll be offline for a week or so, so I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I hope you all eat lots of chocolate, get/give the perfect gift, and that somehow the true meaning of Christmas can touch each and every one of you in your lives this season. My wish for all of us is that we can do something that will mean something to someone this season. Thank you all for being part of my life, and letting me be a part of yours! Thanks for your comments. (And just because I'm away doesn't mean I won't get them, they come to my email, which comes to my phone... and they really mean so much to me, so if you want to give a gift from the heart.... *blatant hint*) I'm excited to get to know you all better in the New Year!


Well, I've got to go finish packing, so Merry Christmas to all and to all a Goodnight.

Random Christmas pictures.

Okay, so this post is because I do not know how to resize pictures in my Windows picture whatever. So here are a ton of pictures that I want to use for our family's Christmas Songbook. (Notice the pictures of me that I'm saving for posterity are of me from last Christmas, when I was 50 lbs lighter! :D ) So, here are random pictures of Christmas' past and present... I'll explain some of them, just because I really like these.

***Edited to add...Well, the ones I wanted to add the most just are not coming up for some reason. Very VERY irritating. They are the ones from a Christmas Carol. There is a great one of Jerrod and I kissing that I wanted to put on a page with a song about mistletoe. That picture was what inspired this (and the next 2) posts of pictures. So now I think I'll end up just printing the songs with no pictures. But I'll leave these up here for now, and hopefully get those Christmas Carol pictures up sometime. Merry Christmas!


Isn't this sweet? This is Sariah in 1st grade. She's holding a small nutcracker, and I think she looks as precious as can be! In the background is her stocking that my Grandma Fife knitted for her! (or crocheted.) My great grandma used to make those for all of us, and I was so thrilled to get a matching stocking for Sariah from my grandma. Now I just need to convince one of my sisters that they want to learn how to do that.

Apparently I did something, and Christmas pictures continued... Vintage edition

So apparently I did something with my last post when I was centering something that centered every post on my blog. Weird. But, I have no time to fix it now. I still have presents to make, stuff to pack and a photos to resave from my blog, because I don't know how to resize them. I'm starting to think it would have been easier to just google "How to resize your pictures.." But now I'm too invested, so I'll carry on.

(I fixed the centered thing..)

Sariah in kindergarten with colored cookie dough.

Helam

My cute girls


I love Essi. She has so much exuberance for everything in life. She's such a great example. She's a nut.

Another one with Helam and Santa. Doesn't it look like they're both taking a nap?

I love babies and Santa!

My Grandma reading to my girls a few years ago. Isn't she beautiful? This is the grandma whose home we'll be visiting for Christmas! I'm so excited!

This is (I believe) my Aunt Kathy. I just seriously love this picture and I think it's one of the greatest Christmas pictures ever!

Another great Christmas picture! My aunts.. Julie and Sharla!

I love this picture. My dad is the little boy, I think that the other two are Julie and Sharla, but I can't tell which is which. I think Julie is in the igloo. Then in back this is embarrassing, but the picture is too blurry that I can't tell if it's my grandma or grandpa! (Or someone else entirely!) My dad (the little boy on your left) later built an awesome igloo like this with his kids. (Me.)

Isn't this adorable? My dad is the little boy in the red hat.

Julie, Sharla, my Dad, half of my Grandma

My dad, Sharla, Julie My grandma most likely made the dresses behind the girls.

For some reason I can't write under this next picture which is of my cousin, and my brothers, Ammon and Daniel. We loved these blocks growing up, and played with them whenever we went to my grandparents. Now my kids play with them!

Random Christmas Pictures continued...

A picture I drew of my girls and Christ back when they were the age shown in this picture.

My little guy with Santa, there are a bunch of slight variations of basically the same picture. This is because I'm a mom, and I think that these are all so adorable, I can't pick a favorite of my identical pictures, and I can't bear to only save the cropped versions.

This is the first year we've been able to get Essi to willingly see Santa. I guess something about a creepy guy in a red suit wasn't doing it for her. So this year we explained that he was like a grandpa, he was offering her candy, we were offering her candy, then we went to cold hard cash. She got a dollar for this picture. Do you love how her she's still kind of leaning away from him? Right after this, she warmed right up to him and wouldn't leave him alone the rest of the night. Luckily, there weren't many kids, and this Santa was really REALLY fantastic.

Kids Corner

My 3 year old to a fussing Helam in a sing-song coochie coochie coo baby talk voice:

"I'm sorry I don't have breasts for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have breasts.." then she looks up at me and says in third person, "He really wishes Essi had breasts."