Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"Parting is such sweet sorrow!" or "Breaking up is hard to do."

I've started a new diet. Again. (But it's not really a diet. Isn't that what they're all supposed to say?) It's strict. This is my 3rd day following it, and I plan to follow it very strictly for the next 39 days, then re-evaluate where I stand. Basically I'm allowed to eat chicken, a piece of celery, and for desert a small piece of cardboard. Per day. (The cardboard is actually quite divine.) Okay it's not that bad, and actually with my new best friends basil and garlic, it's going better than I thought. Today my mind feels more clear, and my body feels lighter. My reflection in the mirror hasn't changed a smidge, but I feel 40 lbs lighter, so it seems like a step in the right direction. (Just don't bring cookies over!)

Yesterday was not as cheerful. Yesterday was day 2 with no sugar. Sugar has been my drug of choice a constant friend and companion for me. I missed my dear friend fiercely and the breakup was one of my toughest ever! Sugar was such a loyal companion. She helped me through trials, and kissed away my tears, celebrated with me when things were terrific and consoled me when things weren't. She always knew exactly what I needed and provided just that in every situation.

Our first days apart I felt as though I were cast into a scary world with no one to hold my hand. I was feeling emotions and feelings that I haven't had to deal with since the last time I gave up sugar. for a long time. I was feeling such amazing anger (I'm never angry.) and abandonment, and confusion. It honestly felt like every aspect of my life was going to just fall apart. Like Anne of Green Gables, I was in the "depths of despair." I also had a really bad headache. In the evening I longed to dive into Helam's bowl of macaroni with a longing that would rival that in any lusty novel. (You think Edward wanted Bella's blood. ha. He had nothing on this. lol.)

By this point my family didn't want to be around me any more than I wanted to be around them and their sugar eating selves so I ran away. So to keep my kitchen intact resolve strong I went to the library. Alone. I enjoyed my time at the library and got only books for me - all fiction books and strictly to take my mind off food. for enjoyment. As I got to the check out kiosk and put my books on the table I realized they were all sugar. Books with the intellectual nutritional value of maybe "Sweet Valley High" back in the day. I realized I was trading one form of sugar and no value consumption for another. I'm going to be okay with that for a while. Hopefully soon I'll be able to stand on my own two feet and walk without my crutches. (HOW do normal people DO it?!) For now, baby steps, and apparently a fluff transfer from my body to my brain.


ruthio said...

i really do enjoy your posts. and i totally, totally empathize with you. sugar is a hard habit to kick...which is probably why i haven't been able to kick it yet. and expect someone to bring by a treat of some sort. that's seems to be the way it goes. yesterday morning tyler and i resolved to "do better" and kick the treats to the curb. that night some kind neighbors brought by some treats. (i won't delve into what kind they were because if you're anything like me, just hearing about something makes you want it.) i hope this goes well for you and i totally want to hear about your progress.

Leslie and Josh said...

YEAHHHH!!!!!!! FOR YOU!!! Way to go!!!, Just remember ina day or two more you will be feeling good. Keep telling yourself your going through withdrawels(sp?) because YOU ARE!!!! It's just like caffine or nicotine or any other drug you want to pick. Keep it up you should be over the worst hump shortly if you're not already.

I'm proud of you!!

thedtbmister said...

I agree. Sugar is hard to cut out as its in pretty much everything. I've got a friend with an allergy to cane sugar and its amazing the lengths she has to go to be able to find something she can eat without hurting herself. Shes also allergic to gluten and flour so she's in for a rather rough life as that severely limits what she can eat.

thedtbmister said...

"define normal"

Design2Express said...

Sugar as i see there is a recession going on in Pakistan for the sugar.People are begging from the government about the Sugar supplies and its price Increased to such a huge percentage that normal people are exempt to buy any sugar well thank for the topic like this keep sharing.

Andrea said...

You are really inspiring me. I have been missing out so much with just FB. I LOVE sugar too. We have been BFF's for a long time. I think I'm going to have to break up too. Your post are making me think that I can do it too. It won't be easy, but in the long run, it should be worth it, right? Good for you!